


In Case

by mooseysammy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Lots of sad shit, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 11:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15948329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooseysammy/pseuds/mooseysammy
Summary: When everything goes to hell (literally), Castiel is left to pick up the pieces.





	In Case

**Author's Note:**

> Super short idea I had while listening to music based completely off the lyrics from "In Case" from Demi Lovato.

I know one day eventually,  
Yeah, I know  
One day I’ll have to let it all go,  
But I keep it just in case. 

Cas knew that this moment would come. He just hoped that it wouldn’t be as painful as he imagined it would be. He hoped it wouldn’t be as painful as everyone had told him that it would be. But it was. It was the most painful thing he had ever experienced. 

And now, looking down at the faded photo in his hands, the tears started to sting his eyes yet again. They threatened to run down his cheeks like waterfalls but he held them in yet again. The photo had been taken years ago but it still mattered to Cas. It was one of the last things he had left of his family. That and the Impala. He glanced down at the picture again though, a tear falling down onto the faded paper. He could barely make out Dean and himself, Dean’s arm wrapped around Cas’ neck and Cas’ head tilted as he looked at the camera. It was a poloroid, something that the once angel had never heard of but was intrigued when Dean told him to look at the camera and the flash blinded him. The picture was developed in minutes and Cas kept it for a lifetime. It was obvious too as the color was starting to leave. The corners were torn and ragged, just like his heart. Used, broken, beaten. But he still keeps it, just in case he needs a reminder of what happiness was. 

The bunker was quiet. It was too quiet. For a place that once held laughter, dinner nights and arguments over which hunt the trio was going on next, it was quiet. A place that once held happiness now had a dark cloud looming over it. A constant rainstorm in Cas’ eyes that never seemed to stop. A constant loop of what had happened playing in his mind when he closed his eyes and was left with nothing but darkness.The darkness only fueled the nightmares, the reoccurring images of Dean dying in his arms playing over and over like a broken record. So he would wake in a cold sweat, turning over and hastily turning the light on. But instead of reassurance that Dean was there beside him, he was filled with emptiness. He felt as empty as the spot in bed that hadn’t seen a body in months. As cold as the sheets that also lacked the same body. But Cas could do nothing about it except cry over what he had lost. So that’s what he did. He pulled Dean’s red flannel tighter around his body and he cried into the pillow, into the darkness, into whatever would listen to him. The smell of Dean was still on the shirt and it was like he was still there, even though he wasn’t. It kept Cas holding onto the past which was something that he wished he wouldn’t do. But he still keeps it, in case he needs some comfort that Dean is watching over him. 

It was nights like this that were the worst. Nights when he had nothing better to do but think about the past or think about what could have been. It was night’s like this that he found himself wandering aimlessly around the bunker in hopes that his family would come home even though he knew they were gone for good. Dean’s pizza still resided in the refrigerator and, while it was inedible at this point, Cas didn’t have the heart to throw it away. He would open up the fridge and see the box but he would just close the door again, sliding down on the floor and praying to whoever would listen that all he wanted was Dean back. He would do anything to have Dean back. But no one would listen and he was stuck looking at the tattered pizza box in the fridge. He should really throw it out but he still keeps it, in case he needs some good memories of Dean. 

Cas always found himself wandering out to the bunker’s garage. While there were so many car from so many sources, he was always drawn to one. The shiny, black, 1967 Chevy Impala. The car held every memory possible. Happy memories, sad memories, memories of first hunts, memories of first dates. It held memories of happy hellos as well as memories of painful goodbyes. Cas still drove it. It’s what Dean would have wanted. He wouldn’t have wanted her gathering dust in the bunker’s garage, no, he would have wanted her to keep going on hunts, to help out whoever was driving her get from place to place to save lives. It just so happened that that person was Cas. So on nights like this, nights when he couldn’t sleep, he wandered out and touched the shiny paint of the car and the memories flooded back into his mind which only upset him more. So he would climb into the car, laying down on the seat and staring up at the ceiling and taking in everything. The smell of the car, the sounds of the bunker, the thoughts that ran through his mind. The night usually ended in tears like always, tears that begged for Dean to come home but thoughts that knew he never would. So Cas would lay in the seat of the car, wishing for a redo, wishing to wake up and this all be a dream. But he would drift off to sleep, sniffling in the darkness of the garage, in the darkness of the car. 

Cas wanted more than anything to leave this world. To find his happy place, to stop crying once and for all. To end it all, really. He knew that that was the only way to peace at this point. 

But he stayed, In case, maybe, one day, Dean would make his way back home and their family would be whole again.


End file.
